yarpnews

When is a tail not a tail?

In Animals, Crazy YarpNews on June 9, 2014 at 12:45 pm

If that’s not a tail between its legs, does it mean it’s pleased to see me?

When you’re a busy biologist, naming new species can be a bit of a drag. Not only do you have to come up with something interesting and relevant in English, but you also have to come up with another often unpronounceable Latin version for its scientific name.

The trouble with spending all your time naming things is you don’t have much time to check that the names you’ve been handing out are correct.

Consider the Ascaphus Truei, which is otherwise known as the Coastal Tailed Frog. Yes, it is a frog and yes, it does hang out near the coast, but hang on a minute, is that really a tail between it’s legs?

So, if it’s not a tail, what is that large appendage? Why, it’s the equipment that froggy went a-courting with!

And there is the rub. The poor little frog proudly drags his mighty manhood around, but gets no recognition for his talent, even though it can grow up to a quarter of the length of his body! That’s huge

Although the comparative size of the beast to its ‘tail’ is impressive, it’s not what you’ve got, but what you do with it that counts and here the Coastal Tailed Frog shines, as it is the master of wagging its ‘tail’.

“It actually swivels around to different positions,” said aquatic ecologist, Harry Toadlicker. “Also, they have sex in very cold water, which is not easy either.”

Fortunately, for the little frog, the ladies don’t seem to mind that his most unique attribute has been incorrectly named – the latest buzz around the fish pond is that there are a bevy of wide mouthed beauties keen to meet a coastal ‘tailed’ frog.

Dr Doolittle makes FBI Most Wanted list

In Animals, Crazy YarpNews on June 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

Your money or your nine lives!

Dr Doolittle has finally made the FBI’s top ten Most Wanted list for crimes against the animal kingdom.

After committing numerous hideous crimes such as swindling squirrels out of their nuts, tricking elephants out of their swimming trunks and killing his own dog with a kitchen knife, Dr Doolittle has sunk to an even worse low. Yesterday he was involved in the brutal mugging of a defenceless kitten (aged 3 ½ weeks) at gunpoint.

The once adored animal whisperer had no excuse for this disgusting act of depravity, but he stated to Yarpnews that he was only preying on unsuspecting kittens because he mistakenly believed that people keep their cash in a ‘kitty’. What a douche bag.

Kim and penis-pillow shocker

In Crazy YarpNews, Naughty Yarpnews on June 2, 2014 at 12:13 pm
Kim Pillow

Kim Pillow

Shocking news just in: Everyone’s favourite curvy girl, Mrs Kim Kardashian-West has not launched a new range of home furnishings based on her striking silhouette.

There was no launch party at LA’s famous Opera nightclub and among those who did not attend were illustrious A-listers such as Cameron Diaz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert Downey Jr.  Paris Hilton was also not invited.

A spokesperson for the ‘Kim-me Hug-me’ pillow was not available for comment, but a non-spokesperson did admit that the similarity between the two was ‘terrifying’. While another said “I want to burn my eyes out.”

Controversy is rife with many people turning to social media to say, ‘WTF! I am so confused!’  What is clear is that whether the famous for being famous, Kardashian clan have cashed in on the unbelievable figure of their most well-known off-spring, or not, Kim does look like a penis-shaped pillow.

One observer said “It’s undeniable that Kim looks like a penis-shaped pillow. But I ask you which came first, Kim or the penis thing? It has to be coincidental, that or someone’s guilty of over stuffing.”

Another cock and ball story brought to you by Yarpnews.

 

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 40 other followers

%d bloggers like this: