Doctors have just discovered a new disorder they have called Religiousexia Nervosa. Suffers are said to have an inability to take responsibility for their own lives, preferring instead to turn everything over to a third, invisible entity.
“It’s a bit like when children have imaginary friends,” stated Professor Von Shitsunhimer of St Mary Meads University, Chippenham. “These people are obviously lacking something very important in their lives, things like love, companionship, friendship, sanity… so they create a fictional character. One that not only fills the void, but can also be blamed for everything that goes wrong in their lives. What we scientists call the “It wasn’t me, it was him” syndrome.
“Problems arise when the child grows up but continues this fixation on into their adult lives, which happens more than you might think. We see it politicians and the police all the time.
“There is a technical term for adults who tend to focus everything in their lives around their invisible friend but I can’t remember it, so I shall just refer to them as morons. Well these morons actually believe that their invisible friend can influence all aspects of their lives, good and bad, and that it has the power to control their decisions and the outcome of their decisions. Religiousexia Nervosa is an obviously serious and very dangerous condition.”
As yet there is no known cause but scientists are working hard to try to beat this terrible disease.
“We are fearful that there are many undiagnosed suffers,” added Professor Von Shitsunhimer, “imagine the chaos of millions of the afflicted claiming that their lives are in the hands of their invisible friend.”
Send Yarpnews $10 now, so that we can join the fight against the terrible and crippling disease. Your money will be used to purchase drinks that are said to contain ‘spirits’. It is believed that if you imbibe enough of these magical ‘spirits’ you can counteract the effects of the affliction. With your help these ‘spirit’ drinks can be distributed amongst anyone who suddenly becomes overwhelmed by Religiousexia Nervosa.