Bankers all over the world have been having a real tough time of late. You may think that counting wads of cash, rejecting loan applications and plundering pension funds is an easy job, but according to the bosses at First National Bank for the Idle Rich in Connecticut it is not..
“The current economic climate is very stressful for us bankers,” Said Bank Manager, Takem Loot (55). “Not only do we have to sit about all day listening to the public whine on and on about how they’ve ‘got no money’, but we also have the stress of finding somewhere safe and secure for us to keep our insanely large bonuses without some bastard embezzling them. You can understand our dilemma.”
As everyone is aware, stress is a killer…some may argue that where the banks are concerned that can’t be a bad thing, but unfortunately the bankers themselves don’t see it that way. So, in order to save their sanity and their jobs, bank chiefs have implemented a series of morning exercises, explicitly designed to de-stress any banker.
The new exercise regime is based on an ancient form of yoga first practiced in Wanxian in China. The art of ‘Wangya’, as the exercise is now known, requires a great deal of balance and flexibility – something that doesn’t come easy to many bankers. Surprisingly however, there is one Wangya pose in particular that does come naturally to almost every banker. Known as ‘Lu Mao’ in ancient Chinese, the position ‘Ass Hat’ is very popular among the banking elite.
“We all love Wangya,” said banker Takem Loot. “There is nothing more satisfying than practicing Wangya every morning. It gets the blood pumping and sets you up for the day and it doesn’t inconvenience our customers at all. The other day we were running late and some of us were still stuck in the ‘Ass Hat’ position when the bank opened and do you know what… not a single one of our customers noticed.”