The sport of rugby was in disarray this morning following controversial scenes during yesterday’s game between the Northampton No-necks and the Southport Scrummers.
Whether it’s as part of the League or part of the Union, a game of rugby is pretty tough, with high tackles, eye gouging, ear biting and deep wedgies all part of the rules. But the shit hit the proverbial fan this week after uncorroborated rumors began to fly that the sport had been attracting an increasingly unsavory element… female players.
“It came to our attention that some of the players might be women disguised as men,” said Rugby Official Lord Percival Pettigrew Chumley-Smythe III (Porkers to his chums). “Well, that sort of thing is simply not on. You can’t have females infiltrating the sport. It’s ruggers, it’s a man’s game, for real men. We don’t need or want to get in a scrum or a tackle with a dainty girl and her breasts. As soon as I heard, I knew that something HAD to be done… and I mean immediately.”
Eager to stamp out these rumors before they could really begin, Rugby officials took drastic action by starting a deep and thorough investigation into the claims.
“We don’t have any problems with the officials checking up on us,” said Rugby player, Jock Strap. “However, when they decided to inspect me right in the middle of the game it did kind of take me by surprise.”