You may be one, but if you’re not, you will know of one… who are we talking about? Label Readers, otherwise known as people who read the labels on the back of household products, such as cereal packets and shampoo bottles.
Label Readers or LRs are usually highly educated people with active brains who find that they get bored quickly and so any moment of downtime needs to be filled. So, you will see dedicated LRs reading the backs of cereal packets at breakfast, studying shampoo bottles in the shower and peering at mouthwash bottles when they are on the pooper.
As they will diligently read and re-read the small print that everyone else ignores, Label Readers are a manufacturers dream. LRs are the only audience for the instructions, (e.g. ‘Pour on milk and eat with spoon’ or ‘Lather, rinse, repeat’) and they are the only people who are aware of the 132 different ingredients that go into making that wonderful product.
Chief LR and President of the Bathroom Lovers Association, Seymour Garbage (47) said, “It’s a common problem, many people find themselves stuck on the pooper with nothing to read other than a shampoo label or the back of their mouthwash bottle.
“It’s a crying shame, as us LRs repeatedly read the same crap over and over again – manufacturers are missing a real opportunity to educate people.
“I mean, unless you are a complete dumbass you don’t need instructions on how to wash your hair. And you definitely don’t need an emergency phone number…unless you are using the shampoo to jack off with, in which case you will want instructions about applying shampoo to a completely different sort of head.
“Anyway, the point is manufacturers could get rid of all the crap from the labels and replace it with something more interesting like a nice joke, or even a short story. I am sure that there would be many people delighted to have a little poem to poop by.”
Mr Garbage is calling for other LRs to stand up and join him in his fight to make labels more interesting. If you would like to join the campaign, you can contact Mr Garbage direct via firstname.lastname@example.org.
“It’s about time all us LRs got off the pooper and did something to improve these shitty labels,” added Mr Garbage.