yarpnews

Babies hospitalized for being drunk

In Crazy YarpNews on May 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Is this baby a boozer?

A small group of toddlers were recently hospitalized for being drunk. The tiny tearaways, a one-year-old and two two-year-olds were found to be ‘behaving in an intoxicated manner’ at their local nursery. Worried nursery staff whisked the threesome straight to hospital.

Upon arrival at Felsick Hospital in the UK, the three were assessed according to NHS guidelines “A quick guide to tell whether your patient is drunk”:

  1. Does the patient appear unsteady on their feet? Do they wobble of have difficulty standing up?
  2. Does the patient have a tendency to fall over when standing unaided?
  3. Is the patient able to carry out a proper conversation or do they slur and have difficulty pronouncing their words?
  4. Is the patient able to control his or her own bowel movements?
  5. Does the patient keep asking for a bottle?
  6. Does the patient appear over emotional, laughing or crying at inappropriate moments?
  7. Does the patient like to take their clothes off?
  8. Does the patient object when you try and put them to bed?
  9. Is the patient able to operate a motor vehicle?
  10. Can the patient touch the end of their nose?

A spokesperson for Felsick Hospital said: “Regrettably the three young children were found to satisfy all ten of our ten point criteria and so we can confirm that they are most definitely drunk.”

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