A small group of picnickers were unhurt on Wednesday when an army of Asian Oshitno Ants picked the party up intending to take the whole kit and caboodle back to their nest.
Asian Oshitno Ants are notorious for their amazing strength, ferocious appetite and acute killer instincts. It is thought the gang of illegal immigrants stowed away onboard a cargo ship from Laos in Asia. Oshitno Ants have been known to kill picnickers in Laos and so the locals cry a warning of ‘Oshitno’ whenever an army of such ants is spotted in the area.
It is rumored that the army that attacked the picnickers in Peckham Park on Wednesday had chosen to pick on that particular party out of all the other picnickers in Peckham Park. Horrified onlookers watched as the army maneuvered around bins and sign posts to head straight towards the group. The ants then picked up John Tweet (25), Susan Tweet (23), Mrs Tweet’s brother Ivor Longbottom (45) and his finance Isabella Cloot (25 stone), along with their picnic cloth, hamper and food. Quick thinking Mr Tweet cried “Oshitno” and then grabbing Miss Cloot he began to roll her squealing body all over the approaching army. Miss Cloot’s rotund frame successfully held back the oncoming tide while Mr Tweet, his wife and her brother legged it. Miss Cloot sustained minor weight loss during the encounter. She is currently resting and recuperating on a diet of crisps and mars bars.
1,293,471 ants were unfortunately killed during the invasion.