In a career filled with ups and downs it has recently been announced that American pop singer and one time cartoon kid, Smiley Flatass has run out of talent. Once noted for her ability to walk and talk at the same time, living doll, Smiley has left her fans feeling more than a little flat.
It seems that no one was impressed by her skill for warbling a tune; so poor old Ms Flatass turned to wobbling the cheeks of her backside to get attention.
“She used to be great, all perky, and you know bouncy,” commented one super fan. “But when she got older she stopped appealing to the kids. She couldn’t get gigs. She needed to make money so turned to twerking. To be honest, it wasn’t pretty.”
Unfortunately, as her name implies, Smiley Flatass, has a flat ass. So instead of shaking her booty bits she ended up thrusting her bony behind at any hapless passer-by. The twerking wasn’t working. Even offering a free foam finger with every twerk didn’t work. Not that it wasn’t getting her attention – just the wrong sort.
One fateful night things went from bad to worse.
“At first I thought she was showing me a place to park my bike,” said a man who wished to remain nameless but went under the pseudonym, ‘Thick Rob’. “I was like walking along, singing my wife’s favourite song, when Ms Flatass rubbed up against me. She was all open mouth and foam finger. It was a real let down, she was squeaky and flat and felt very plastic.”
After that Smiley’s career seemed to puncture, with critics asking ‘had she let herself down?’ What was clear was she couldn’t go any lower – or could she? Out of talent and out of gas, poor old Smiley Flatass deflated and wound up in the gutter.
Her management have since announced that they hope to re-inflate her career with the help of band aid.