It is terrible, but it’s true. Some thieving bastard has stolen a snowman right from outside its owner’s house. The distraught owner who wishes to remain anonymous, so we will call her Miss Nelly Shenko was so upset by the theft that she called the emergency services.
Unfortunately, even though the snowman had pound coins for his eyes and teaspoons for arms, the police remained uninterested in the theft.
“I ain’t being funny,” said Miss Shenko “I just thought that with it being icy out there and there not being anybody about, he’d be safe. It ain’t a nice road, but at the end of the day you don’t expect someone to nick your snowman.”
This snowman theft is the latest in a long line of random thefts that the police have had no interest in. So far a puddle that was recently stolen from the same area has not been recovered nor has a hole in a donut that went missing from Barry’s Burger Bar on the High Street at around 2.15pm last Wednesday.
Police have not warned the public to remain vigilant and have not asked for any witnesses to come forward. Typical!