In a bid to combat the growing epidemic of dirty fouls, dodgy dives, aggressive players and abusive managers that seem to be more and more prevalent on our football pitches these days, FIFA (football’s international governing body) has decided to trial an ingenious new idea. For the next few months all referees in charge of football games will be armed with tasers.
“Quite frankly we are fed up with the dangers involved with our job. We literally take our lives in our hands each Saturday,” said chief referee Mr Owen Gowel (34). “Players can be volatile, managers can be rude and fans can be downright violent, but now we have the use of stun guns, we are back in charge.”
It is a bold move, but FIFA have given every referee full authority to use their tasers ‘where ever and whenever they feel the need arises.’
One of the first players to be tasered during a match was ex-Manchester City player Carlos Tevez.
“Mr Tevez appeared to be running in the wrong direction,” explained Mr Gowel after he had tasered the player. “I was concerned that he might frighten the children, so I gave him a quick blast, just to teach him a lesson.
“These tasers are great. With them I can easily get my job done without any of the previous hassle or danger. They work great on kids and old people too.”