Scientists have this week released the first results of clinical trials to test a new weight loss formula called ‘Eucaneatitol’. Eucaneatitol is revolutionary in that it is said to completely burn fat within a few days, making you instantly slimmer without you having to lift a finger.
However the potion, made from an intricate blend of rare cactus extract, royal jelly, mung beans, soy milk and hemorrhoid ointment doesn’t come without controversy. There are a few side effects, such as heart palpitations, breathing problems and headaches, but the main drawback is that so far it seems to only work on people’s heads.
“Well, it’s a start” shrugged Professor of Nutrition Lou Swaite from Lick Fork University. “Hopefully, long term use will see the effect work its way down the body.”
Despite this minor setback Professor Swaite and his colleagues are looking forward to launching Eucaneatitol on the market.
“I know having a pea sized head isn’t for everyone,” confessed Professor Swaite. “But on the plus side it means your mouth is a lot smaller, so you can’t eat that much and we think that will prove popular to some people. Also, tests have proven that it can reduce cholesterol, which everyone knows is a killer. So if all these factors don’t lead to Eucaneatitol being used as a slimming aid, we are sure that we can sell it to people with fat heads.”