yarpnews

Secrets under the Bearskin – the truth about the Queen’s Guard

In Crazy YarpNews, World on March 24, 2014 at 12:38 pm

Four Queen’s Guards – can you spot the one going to the toilet?

In his new book ‘Under the Bearskin – the naked truth about the Queen’s Guard’, Historian Dayan Yearspass reveals some shocking secrets behind the ancient ceremony of Changing the Guard at Buckingham Palace.

The responsibility of guarding the Sovereign by the Household Troops (as they were known at the time) dates back to the time of Henry VII (1485-1509). Surprisingly, during Henry’s reign Changing of the Guard was actually called the Changing of the Gourd, a title referring to the large marrows or gourds that the watchmen originally wore as protection on their heads. Of course the gourds being vegetables, they would only last a few days before they would begin to rot and so needed changing.

At the time having a rotting vegetable on your head was a great test for you manliness and so the guards would remain as still as possible despite being covered in stinking marrow and flies. The soldiers therefore gained a reputation for being fantastic at standing still and ignoring annoying pests – hence their descendents can easily ignore a coach load of tourists.

Over the years the gourd was replaced by the now traditional bearskin cap. Nowadays the standard bearskin of the British Foot Guards is 18 inches tall, weighs one and a half pounds and is made from the fur of a defenseless Canadian black bear.

The Queen’s Guard customarily wear a full-dress uniform consisting of a red tunic, black bearskins cap and black military trousers. The trousers or pants of the modern guards still hide one secret, one which allows them to remain as still as possible during their many hours standing on guard. The army have equipped each guardsman with a device they call a Disposable, Individually-wrapped, Army Personnel Excretion Receptacle or D.I.A.P.E.R.

Dayan Yearspass has created a great book, full of interesting tit bits and strange facts. Open the pages and the imagery is so evocative that you can almost catch the smell of the rotting gourds and disposable, individually-wrapped, army personnel excretion receptacles.

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  1. I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this article. I would like to take a little more time to tell you how amazing the information is that you put out. The photograph you have printed is wonderful. It is of three Grenadier Guardsmen and the corporal of the guard. The white plume in the (Grenadiers) bearskin cap is worn on the left side when he is feeling horny and the right side when he is not. The Coldstream Guards (red) and the Irish Guards (blue) wear the plume on the right hand side of the bearskin cap once their D.I.A.P.E.R.S are full. The bayonet scabbard is also worn on the left side and for Changing of the Guard, garden parties, picnics and during sadomasocistic orgies, the rifle would be carried on the left shoulder.

    With respect, I am an old loon who believes Mr Yearpass is ‘it’ and I should know as I have many, many years of military interest – in particular of the Foot Guards, the fact that I have never heard this information before just proves that what I previously believed in was absolute poppycock.

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    • Well said Mr Parkinson!

      You will be amazed at how many people never really get to grips with an article of this magnitude, preferring to jump to conclusions (and the keyboard) without having fully understood what they have read. I am pleased to say however, that you sir, Mr Parkinson, have obviously got both hands firmly around all the “Secrets under the Bearskin” and for that you should be highly commended. Well done! Thank you too for that insightful information about the boys big guns which we will be sure to pass on to the historian Dayan Yearspass (he thinks you are pretty cool too and wondered maybe if you would like to hook up the next time you’re in town).

      Btw you misspelt sadomasochistic (it actually has an ‘h’ in it).

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    • pity me, they keep saying I’m backwards

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  2. Merci

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  3. I’m not sure what I am talking about.. I am queens guard and when I don’t wear my diaper, I simple pee down my leg… The reason my trousers are deep black in colour and really thick is so they can absorb up to a few liters of pee its not a nice feeling and dosnt smell nice also after a while it gets cold

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