yarpnews

10 ways to find out if you’re an ‘old fart’

In Crazy YarpNews on April 21, 2014 at 1:29 pm

 

Are you an old fart?

Are you an old fart?

Employers in the UK have a new tool to help them work out if potential job candidates are lying about their age. The handout titled “Sorting the Wheat from the Chaff or How to work out if the person you are interviewing is an lying old git”, is the brain child of the British Bureau concerned with Fabricated Untruths Clouding Key Employees Records (F.U.C.K.E.R)

The F.U.C.K.E.R Bureau suggests that interviewers use a simple questionnaire during each interview. The ten questions are said to be designed to catch out anyone who has lied about their age during the application process.  

Yarpnews has reprinted the ten questions below. See how well you do…

 

Can you remember life before the internet?

A)     Yes,   B)   No,   C) What is the internet?

Do you know who Little and Large are?

A)     Yes,   B)   No,   C) No, but I‘ll have a large one

Are you able to get a good night’s sleep on Christmas Eve?

A)     Yes,   B)  No,   C)  I’m usually drunk so every day is the same as the next

Have you recently made a decision by saying ‘Ip, Dip, Dog shit’?

A)     No,    B)  Yes,   C)  No but I’ve dipped my shit in a dog

Have you ever seen white dog doo doo?

A)     Yes,   B)  No,  C)  I love any white shit

Were you ever a member of the Red Hand Gang?

A)     Yes/No, but I would have love to have been,   B)   Never heard of them,   C)  I have a red member in my hand

When someone says “Why Don’t You?” Do you want to say “Switch off the television set and go and out and do something less boring instead?”

A)     Yes,   B)  No,    C)  When someone says “Why Don’t You?” I want to say “Fuck off!”

What time is Crackerjack?

A)     Friday, 5 to 5,   B)  Um?   C)  I’m on crack jack, so anytime!

Do you remember when bringing a weapon to school meant being caught with a catapult?

A)     Yes,    B)  No,   C)  I’m never without my piece

Have you double dared anyone recently?

A)     No,   B)   Yes,   C)   Nah, but I just downed a few doubles

 

The F.U.C.K.E.R Bureau advise that if the candidate’s answers are mostly As they are ‘old farts’ and the employer should be wary of them as they are probably lying about their age. If their answers contain more Bs then they are definitely young enough to go foreword to see the interview panel and if anyone answers any of the Cs they should not be employed and where possible immediately escorted from the building.

 

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  1. My human, the Geezer, says we need a US version of your weighty analysis. F.U.C.K.E.R forever!
    Sandy
    http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com

    Like

    • Funnily enough, F.U.C.K.E.R has a sister bureau in the States – the Job and Employment Regulator that Keeps Out Ficticious Facts (J.E.R.K.O.F.F). J.E.R.K.O.F.F are planning to offer a similar questionnaire to American employers in the next few weeks. Yarpnews will keep you posted 🙂

      Like

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