In every kindergarten and nursery throughout the UK there is a scene of utter devastation. Riots have broken out everywhere. There has been hair pulling, crying, foot stamping, spitting, kicking – the works, all thanks to Cadbury’s owners Kraft Foods announcing that they are shrinking their chocolate bars.
When they heard the shocking news that Cadburys’ are reducing the size of all their chocolate including making tiny Creme Eggs even smaller, providing two less chunks of chocolate in a bar of Dairy Milk and 9 less Malteasers in a packet, the tiny toddlers went berserk and chucked all their toys out of the pram.
A spokesman for the rioters couldn’t talk, but his Mum said, “At first we thought everyone was just a little over tired, didn’t we darling? Mummy thought Booboo was too tired to play? But then we heard the awful news, didn’t we sweetie? Mummy soon understood why everyone was crying, didn’t she? Mummy was so disgusted and upset that Mummy started crying too. Mummy can’t believe that they are taking away our sweet, delicious chocolate. Mummy thinks Cadburys are rotten, crafty bastards.”
Detective Chief Inspector, Anton Adungheep said, “It’s horrible out there. There are red, dribbley faces everywhere. There is snot and bubbles indiscriminately oozing from noses. And I can tell you the noise is bloody deafening and it just goes on and on and on. It really reminds me of the Ribena Riots of 1983, when they announced that they would be taking sugar out of Ribena. It was a mess then and it’s a mess now. I have a team of men on standby, ready to deploy naughty steps, hopefully we will get this situation back under control. But I would like to ask Cadbury’s what the hell they think are doing, don’t they realise how many people they are hurting. Why can’t they leave our chocolate alone?”