Posts Tagged ‘air’

Save money on cheap flights by holding your breath

In Crazy YarpNews, World on March 27, 2014 at 12:04 pm


Smiling through the tears

Smiling through the tears

Skyan Air, the no thrills, low budget airline have come up with some very clever ways to save their customers even more money. Well known for charging nothing except a an itty-bitty $1 for a seat to the other side of the world (plus $5 seatbelt duty, $2 washroom fee, $10 for any item of hang luggage, $40 per suitcase, $16 per PB&J sandwich and apple lunch pack, $10 per mile flight tax, $50 runway tax, $100 airport tax, $30 fuel surcharge and $50 handling and administration fee per person). The Pound Shop of the air are now offering any flyers who can hold their breath, the chance to save money on their flight.

Willie Land, spokesmen for Skyan Air said, “As we all know fresh air is expensive – well at least the good stuff you can breathe is, and we don’t think it is fair to make those customers who use less air to pay as much, if not more than those who gulp it down, like its, um…air. Therefore, although we plan to continue giving all our customers free air, we are asking those who use more than the designated 12 breaths a minute to purchase a ‘breath pack’.

“Handily located above your head each ‘breath pack’ will fall from the ceiling whenever the airline feels you have exhausted your allocated breathing allowance. Each ‘breath pack’ costs only $50 and provides enough air to last the average person approximately one half hour. If, during your flight your ‘breath pack’ runs dry you can easily obtain more air by inserting 25 cents into the conveniently located slot in your arm rest and that will buy you a few extra quick gasps.”

The airline is advising heavy breathers, asthma sufferers, incessant talkers and those who are prone to hyper-ventilating to purchase a triple breath pack – for only $139.95.

Just another money saving opportunity for Skyan Air passengers.



The BBC are C-word kings!

In Crazy YarpNews on February 3, 2011 at 12:43 pm

Jeremy Clarkson (R) not to be confused with Jeremy Paxman (L)

This week, Jeremy Paxman became the latest BBC presenter to say the most taboo word in the English language live on air.

Mr Paxman (not to be confused with Top Gear’s main man Jeremy Clarkson) dropped the shocker during his Newsnight programme on  January 31st, when he said: ‘Supposing some of the people who ought to be paying taxes so the c**** … cuts… aren’t so bad aren’t actually doing so?’

This latest blue outburst is the SIXTH time in the last few months that the BBC has broadcast the expletive, adding fuel to the rumour that the corporation is deliberately trying to blue up the airwaves.

“People have started to wonder if the BBC is intentionally using the C-word as often as they can,” said serious TV watcher Ennie Station. “Maybe they keep doing it so that they can keep their name in the papers? Whatever the reason, it’s really odd that they were once renowned for their excellent English and now it seems they are the rudest broadcaster out there. Personally, I think it’s a fucking disgrace!”

Swearing Jeremy Paxman can now join the likes of Nicky Campbell who accused the Countryside Alliance of being ‘pro-c***ing’, James Naughtie and Andrew Marr, who both called the Culture Secretary ‘Jeremy C***’. Government Minister Nick Herbert who stated: “I don’t accept that those are c***s… er… cuts in front-line policing.” And Olly Foster, who slipped the C-word in while introducing the French footballing legend Eric Cantona, adding “Great to see Eric C*** Cantona.”

You can read more about the BBC and their dirty tirade of expletives in Yarpnews’ expose, ‘Are the BBC deliberately trying to blue up the airwaves?’ published earlier this month.
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