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Posts Tagged ‘baby’

First baby born in 2014 is a freaking miracle

In Crazy YarpNews, Entertainment on January 1, 2014 at 9:00 am

Octivia

Octomom, Nadia Silywoman has been at it again. This time however instead of giving birth to eight babies with two eyes each, she has given birth to one baby with eight eyes. Beautiful bouncing baby Octivia was born a stroke after midnight on January 1st 2014. Apart from having eight eyes, the baby is doing very well. Mother is said to be very proud and is busy planning the little girl’s future.

“Oh my gosh,” gushed the new Mom. “I am sooooo into the number eight, so this is crazy, I can’t wait to tell Oprah all about it.”

There have been calls however from irate Octomom watchers who say that this time she has gone too far with the fertility drugs.

“What is she doing? Next we will have an eight-legged one and then an eight headed one. When is this going to stop?” cried Ms Sillywoman’s fertility doctor, Dr Jonathan Babymaker.

No time soon if Octomom has her way.

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Babies hospitalized for being drunk

In Crazy YarpNews on May 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Is this baby a boozer?

A small group of toddlers were recently hospitalized for being drunk. The tiny tearaways, a one-year-old and two two-year-olds were found to be ‘behaving in an intoxicated manner’ at their local nursery. Worried nursery staff whisked the threesome straight to hospital.

Upon arrival at Felsick Hospital in the UK, the three were assessed according to NHS guidelines “A quick guide to tell whether your patient is drunk”:

  1. Does the patient appear unsteady on their feet? Do they wobble of have difficulty standing up?
  2. Does the patient have a tendency to fall over when standing unaided?
  3. Is the patient able to carry out a proper conversation or do they slur and have difficulty pronouncing their words?
  4. Is the patient able to control his or her own bowel movements?
  5. Does the patient keep asking for a bottle?
  6. Does the patient appear over emotional, laughing or crying at inappropriate moments?
  7. Does the patient like to take their clothes off?
  8. Does the patient object when you try and put them to bed?
  9. Is the patient able to operate a motor vehicle?
  10. Can the patient touch the end of their nose?

A spokesperson for Felsick Hospital said: “Regrettably the three young children were found to satisfy all ten of our ten point criteria and so we can confirm that they are most definitely drunk.”

Seal goes a little bit crazy

In Animals, Crazy YarpNews, Entertainment on March 20, 2011 at 1:33 pm

Seal terrifies the shit out of some Asian tourists

Seal, the pop star husband of supermodel Heidi Klum is in trouble this week for frightening the shit out of a group of Asian tourists.

Some blame Heidi Klum who was in the park trying to fend off a bunch of paparazzi who were trying to photograph her and her children. It would appear that Seal thought the tourists were reporters out to snap his babies and so he went a bit berserk.

The Asian tourists knew what to do and instinctively began clubbing Seal around the head with anything they could get their hands on. Ironically it was a member of the paparazzi who saved Seal by pointing out to the tourists that they were in fact clubbing international singing star Seal and not a defenseless baby marine animal.

Eventually everything was cleared up and the tourists left the park happy, loaded with a couple of signed DVDs and a voucher for a fish supper for four at the Fish Shack.

As Seal and Heidi were leaving the park, the pop star was overheard to say:

“But, we are never going to survive unless we get a little bit crazy.”

A baby’s bean born!

In Crazy YarpNews on December 25, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Beautiful baby Mustapha Giggle

The first Christmas Day baby of 2010 was born three seconds after midnight on Christmas Eve at Oddstock Hospital in Genepool, Lancashire.Little Mustapha Giggle was born weighing a healthy 18 pounds to proud single mum, Uphra (78).

Mother and baby are both well and enjoying their first Christmas Day together.

Speculations are rife about who Mustapha’s father is, but Miss Uphra Giggle is remaining mum.

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