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Posts Tagged ‘bizarre’

Ear-gasm – the orgasm for your ear

In Crazy YarpNews, Science/tech on May 5, 2014 at 1:07 pm

Picking you ear may not be the most romantic of moves, but for many Vietnamese a good bit of probing in the ear department is a popular pastime that can elicit moans of pure pleasure. Why? Because the Vietnamese know an age-old secret – your ear has a G-spot and if it’s poked and tickled in just the right way… well let’s just say ‘hang on to your socks.’

Now, sticking things in your ear is never recommended, one slip and you could end up damaging something important like your ear drum, leaving you moaning in pain rather than ecstasy. However, for the highly trained girls and boys of the Hoc Tocs (the barber-like shops) in Vietnam, ear picking is an art. So much so that a good ear picker will gather quite a following.

Popular ear pickers will have men and women lining up around the block to experience their unorthodox probing. Using delicate metal scoops and tiny tweezers, the ear pickers will carefully clean inside their customer’s ears. As well as removing ear wax, their probing tickles a delicate spot near the ear drum. For some people it feels like a tickle, but for others it is akin to great sex. It is not unknown for people to experience what can only be described as ‘ear-gasms’. That may explain why some Vietnamese men don’t tell their wives when they pop out for some ear picking.

So, the next time you want to playfully lick your finger and stick it in your friend’s ear, just think, you may be giving him more than a wet willy!

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Bag-ette – the bag you can eat!

In Crazy YarpNews on May 2, 2014 at 12:52 pm

The Bag-ette - an ideal place to keep your dough

Fashion designers are well known for creating collections of unusual garb that although eye-catching on the cat walk have no practical purpose in our everyday lives. Who can forget Bjork’s swan dress or Britney Spears in her tartan diapers? However, in honour of Paris Fashion week, which started yesterday, Yarpnews thought we would share with our readers one of the more useful fashion designs, which is sure to become the toast of the high street.

The clever design team at Katja Gruijters (www.katjagruijters.nl) has used their loaf to come up with this handy bag-ette. This stylish bag is certainly a cut above the rest, made from bread, it’s a great place to store your dough and should you get hungry when you’re out and about, you’ve already got your hands on the beginnings of one great sandwich.

Whichever way you slice it, you can’t have your bag and eat it, but maybe that’s not such a crumby idea. Hopefully a larger suitcase version will soon be in development, so if you’re flying abroad and end up with excess baggage, you can eat it.

Pee Toylet is whizz idea

In Crazy YarpNews on April 3, 2014 at 4:58 pm

Sega’s new Toylet, a game to be pissed on

If you spend too long on toilet breaks you may be accused of flushing your life down the pan, but soon, thanks to Sega’s new Toylet, male commuters in Japan will be able to play in the bathroom all day long.

Fortunately, Sega are not taking the piss, their new dimension in gaming includes a urinal based pressure sensor which allows users to control four different games.

The first is ‘Manneken Pis’ in which the amount of urine you just peed out is calculated.

Next is ‘Graffiti Eraser’ which lets you use your hose to pee-blast graffiti off of a wall. A dirty game but if you have a lot of urine you could clean up.

Probably not a game for gay Toylet players, ‘The North Wind and Her’ turns your piss into wind which can be used to blow off a woman’s dress.

Finally, ‘Milk from Nose’ allows you to go head to head with the guy who used the urinal before you. In this sumo-style game the characters blow milk from their noses and try to push each other out of the sumo ring. The guy who has the strongest pressure wins.

The urinals are still in development, but if you ‘head’ to Japan you may get a chance to pee and play sometime in the near future. In the meantime the rest of the world will have to make do with the old fashioned bathroom games that our grandparents used to play, favorites like‘Chasing a cigarette butt down the urinal’ and ‘Seeing how high you can pee up a wall.’

Call the cops, my snowman is missing!

In Crazy YarpNews, Science/tech, World on February 13, 2014 at 3:04 pm
Where's my snowman gone?

Where’s my snowman gone?

It is terrible, but it’s true. Some thieving bastard has stolen a snowman right from outside its owner’s house. The distraught owner who wishes to remain anonymous, so we will call her Miss Nelly Shenko was so upset by the theft that she called the emergency services.

Unfortunately, even though the snowman had pound coins for his eyes and teaspoons for arms, the police remained uninterested in the theft.

“I ain’t being funny,” said Miss Shenko “I just thought that with it being icy out there and there not being anybody about, he’d be safe. It ain’t a nice road, but at the end of the day you don’t expect someone to nick your snowman.”

This snowman theft is the latest in a long line of random thefts that the police have had no interest in. So far a puddle that was recently stolen from the same area has not been recovered nor has a hole in a donut that went missing from Barry’s Burger Bar on the High Street at around 2.15pm last Wednesday.

Police have not warned the public to remain vigilant and have not asked for any witnesses to come forward. Typical!

Rooster gets revenge on owner who forced him to cock fight

In Crazy YarpNews on January 24, 2011 at 12:49 pm

A rebellious rooster who had been forced to take part in a cock fight took revenge on his owner by killing him.

Although incredibly cruel, cock fighting is still a very popular sport and to the villagers of Mohanpur, West Bengal, it is a great way to earn a few rupees – and if your bird wins, you also get a free chicken dinner (courtesy of their dead opponent).

Usually owners receive around $35 per fight, but on this fateful night one owner called Singai Song wanted to get his hands on some extra cash. So, instead of letting his prize winning cockerel rest between fights like the other birds, Mr Song forced his rooster back into the ring immediately after its first fight.

Understandably upset, the rooster tried to leave the ring several times, but Mr Song kept pushing him back in. After Mr Song accused him of being ‘chicken’ the bird was spitting feathers and he lashed out, directing the full force of his anger on to his bird brained owner.

Well, as anyone who has fought a prize winning cock will know, they are lethal opponents and unfortunately Mr Song was no match for his own bird. Within a few minutes of the fight starting Mr Song was laying dead, his throat slit by the razor blades he himself had attached to his rooster’s legs.

After the incident the fearful fowl flew the coop. Police are currently on the lookout for ‘an unknown rooster with black and red feathers’ that is believed to be armed and dangerous. If you see a bird matching that description do not approach it and certainly do not accuse it of being chicken.

 

Dirty monk’s dirty habit gets him in to trouble

In Crazy YarpNews on January 23, 2011 at 1:28 pm

In this latest strange but true story, a bad Buddhist monk had a stroke after he was caught having sex with a temple dog behind Sam Toei Temple in Pitsanuloke, Thailand.

Villagers were drawn to the scene by the howls of protest from the dog, which the monk had tied to a tree. After seeing the monk with the poor pooch the villagers called the police.

All the excitement was obviously too much for the 65-year-old monk to take because by the time officers arrived on the scene he was lying unconscious next to the animal. A bottle of dishwashing liquid was found next to him, presumably for use as a makeshift lubricant.

Rescuers rushed the monk to hospital, where he remains in a coma. Doctors said he had suffered a stroke and are not sure if he will survive. The monk was identified as Phoopan Chitupanarso. The Abbot of Wat Sam Toei, said Phoopan had been at the temple for only a few days.

Temple authorities were allegedly already preparing to ask him to leave because he had refused to provide references from his former temple and because he smelt like wet dog.

Police did not say what Phoopan would be charged with if he regains consciousness but there have been sniffs of a rumor about unpawful entry.

New Nostradamus verse says the antichrist could already be here

In Crazy YarpNews on January 4, 2011 at 1:31 pm

A new Nostradamus verse or quatrain has been discovered hidden in a cupboard under the stairs in Petit Dejeuner, Chantilly, France.

This amazing find is said to shed more light on the predicted arrival of the devil or antichrist.

The quatrain reads:

One of eleven, son of gib

claims to be a patriot and brave of heart

once imbibed creates three times maximum madness

emerges bearing a lethal weapon

Professor Gilbert Schmilbert from Book Readers Library College, Oxbridge and his team of researchers are now busy unscrambling the clues.

“What Nostradamus says here is very significant because he is not only implying that the devil is coming, but if my calculations are correct, and they always are, he could already be here.

“What we are being told has yet to be unraveled, we have only just started with the first line and so far our suspicions are focusing on anyone related to Gib. One of my students suggested it could be one of the Gibb brothers from the Beejees, or that character Gibbs out of NCIS – we had a right laugh about that.”

Yarpnews waits with bated breath to find out what Professor Schmilbert and his team discover when they examine the rest of the quatrain.

 
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