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Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

Elves threaten Christmas Eve strike

In Crazy YarpNews, Entertainment, World on December 17, 2013 at 1:32 pm

Santa is too busy eating and drinking to care about the impending elf strike

Rumblings of dissatisfaction can be heard as far away as the North Pole today as the elves in Santa’s Workshop are threatening a Christmas Eve strike.

Apparently the elves are unhappy about the increasing number of gnomes being drafted in to help make toys. “The big nosed bastards are taking our jobs,” squeaked Teeny Weeny, spokeself for the two unions Elf and Safety and father of nine, “We have many mouths to feed – the gnomes must go home.”

In their defense, the gnomes are claiming unfair discrimination and demanding equal rights. “They are being so elfish,” moaned Jolly Buttons spokesgnome and father of 12. “We gnomes are just standing up for our rights. We wouldn’t be here if the mines hadn’t gone bust. We miner-orities have just as much right to earn a living as every one elf does. We only have short term contracts that are written in pixie dust, so I don’t see what the elves are complaining about.“

Santa Claus himself has refused to comment, but rumors are rife around the grotto that he has threatened any elf who strikes with the sack.

But it appears that the elves are not taking any threats seriously. “Santa, hah!’ cried Teeny Weeny. “He’s away with the fairies. When he’s not checking his list he’s eating. I personally think he may be bi-polar. One minute he’s up, one minute he’s down, one minute he’s in the North Pole, the next he’s in the South. You get what I mean? “

Fortunately, with the recent rise in bad kids appearing on the naughty list there is a marked downturn in toy requirements this year and so if the proposed strike does go ahead it may not even be noticed.

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A baby’s bean born!

In Crazy YarpNews on December 25, 2010 at 1:32 pm

Beautiful baby Mustapha Giggle

The first Christmas Day baby of 2010 was born three seconds after midnight on Christmas Eve at Oddstock Hospital in Genepool, Lancashire.Little Mustapha Giggle was born weighing a healthy 18 pounds to proud single mum, Uphra (78).

Mother and baby are both well and enjoying their first Christmas Day together.

Speculations are rife about who Mustapha’s father is, but Miss Uphra Giggle is remaining mum.

Chantelle Houghton’s new jobbie

In Crazy YarpNews on December 6, 2010 at 8:00 pm

 

Chantelle in her old job as Christmas fairy

 

Following her success as the fairy on the top of the Christmas Tree outside of Lakeside Shopping Centre in Essex, British reality TV star wannabe Chantelle Houghton is looking forward to her next role as a human traffic cone.

A human traffic cone

Bank offers free gift to nervous investors

In Crazy YarpNews on December 4, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Just part of the bank's golden gift package
Just part of the bank’s golden gift package

First National Bank for the Idle Rich in Connecticut, USA has today launched a new incentive, designed especially for high rolling prospective investors. Designed to take the fear and worry out of investing in today’s financial climate, new customers who wish to invest $50,000 or more are being offered the fun free gift of a gold plated suicide kit. The kit comes in a purple satin case, which contains a gold plated revolver complete with gold plated bullets, a bottle of pain killers, a bottle of gin and a noose together with a handy laminated ‘How To’ guide.

Bank Manager Takem Loot said, “We think this nifty little package will attract a lot of customers and will particularly appeal to those how are now more nervous of investing in the current economic climate.”

With Christmas looming around the corner the Bank also hopes to attract those looking for the ideal Christmas gift. “Our investor package would also make a great Christmas present for the man or woman who already has everything, which is always a headache during the festive season,” advised Mr Loot. “We have plans to hand them out dressed as Santa,” added the happy banker.

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