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Posts Tagged ‘Dr Dolittle’

Dr Doolittle makes FBI Most Wanted list

In Animals, Crazy YarpNews on June 6, 2014 at 12:45 pm

Your money or your nine lives!

Dr Doolittle has finally made the FBI’s top ten Most Wanted list for crimes against the animal kingdom.

After committing numerous hideous crimes such as swindling squirrels out of their nuts, tricking elephants out of their swimming trunks and killing his own dog with a kitchen knife, Dr Doolittle has sunk to an even worse low. Yesterday he was involved in the brutal mugging of a defenceless kitten (aged 3 ½ weeks) at gunpoint.

The once adored animal whisperer had no excuse for this disgusting act of depravity, but he stated to Yarpnews that he was only preying on unsuspecting kittens because he mistakenly believed that people keep their cash in a ‘kitty’. What a douche bag.

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Dr Dolittle’s dog is dead

In Animals, Crazy YarpNews on January 28, 2014 at 12:34 pm
Dr Dolittle's dead dog, Dave

Dr Dolittle’s dead dog, Dave

In a shocking story just in, we learn the tragic news that Dr Dolittle’s dog, Dave is dead

“He called me a bastard, so I stabbed him,” explained the distraught Doctor.

Regular readers will have fond memories of Dave (12) and his crazy sense of humor, which sadly appears to have aided his demise.

When asked why he simply didn’t send Dave to his basket, Dr Doolittle replied, “I could never do that to Dave, he was far too sophisticated, and he would always successfully argue that is was demeaning for him to be treated like a dog. He was a bad dog.”

It would appear that talking to the animals isn’t all it was cracked up to be. Unfortunately, it lead to Dave’s dog days being over. RIP Dave, you’ll be sadly missed.

 

Dr Dolittle wants a new dog

In an unrelated story, Dr Dolittle has today advertised for a new dog.

It seems the multi-lingual doctor is looking for a dumb leggy blonde Labrador aged between 2 and 5 years who enjoys long walks, cozy nights in and stimulating conversation, they must also like athletically chasing small sticks, eating sausages and be willing to answer to the name ‘Dave’.

Dr Dolittle is hoping that this new relationship can lead to something more than just friendship.

 

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