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Posts Tagged ‘drunk’

Babies hospitalized for being drunk

In Crazy YarpNews on May 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Is this baby a boozer?

A small group of toddlers were recently hospitalized for being drunk. The tiny tearaways, a one-year-old and two two-year-olds were found to be ‘behaving in an intoxicated manner’ at their local nursery. Worried nursery staff whisked the threesome straight to hospital.

Upon arrival at Felsick Hospital in the UK, the three were assessed according to NHS guidelines “A quick guide to tell whether your patient is drunk”:

  1. Does the patient appear unsteady on their feet? Do they wobble of have difficulty standing up?
  2. Does the patient have a tendency to fall over when standing unaided?
  3. Is the patient able to carry out a proper conversation or do they slur and have difficulty pronouncing their words?
  4. Is the patient able to control his or her own bowel movements?
  5. Does the patient keep asking for a bottle?
  6. Does the patient appear over emotional, laughing or crying at inappropriate moments?
  7. Does the patient like to take their clothes off?
  8. Does the patient object when you try and put them to bed?
  9. Is the patient able to operate a motor vehicle?
  10. Can the patient touch the end of their nose?

A spokesperson for Felsick Hospital said: “Regrettably the three young children were found to satisfy all ten of our ten point criteria and so we can confirm that they are most definitely drunk.”

Beer discovered at the North Pole

In Crazy YarpNews on February 25, 2011 at 1:14 pm

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Polar Bear on Polar Beer

Pity the poor Polar Bear. Life in the Arctic Circle isn’t quite as good as it’s cracked up to be. It’s cold and windy and there isn’t much night life. Sure there is a lot of snow and plenty of opportunities to make a snowman, but once you’ve made one you’ve made them all. So when the days are long and the nights are short, what do you do to while away the hours?

Last year, the world learned that a crate of whisky had been found hidden under the explorer Shackleton’s hut in Antarctica. News of the find eventually reached the North Pole and this apparently gave the Polar Bears an idea. With the help of a lost Venezuelan backpacker, the bears created their very own brewery.   

A boozed up bear

 

Conveniently located under the polar ice cap, the brewery’s Polar Beer has been a huge hit. So much so that it seems that the bears don’t want to do anything else other than party.

“This used to be quite a posh area, but now the place is littered with boozed up bears,” complained a sloshed seal. “I think it’s disgusting. They do nothing all day but get drunk. I wouldn’t care so much but when they’re drunk they never leave a tip… Do you want ice with that?” 

A sloshed seal

 

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