Visiting a Safari Park is always an adventure. Everyone expects to get leered at by the lions, gawked at by a giraffe and have their car systematically stripped down by a pack of primates.
It is no secret that the monkeys cleverly take those stripped car parts and turn them in to their own sweet rides. Having opposable thumbs makes them excellent grease monkeys. Indeed, many car crooks have slept easy in their beds, knowing that they can quickly get rid of any evidence by monkeying around with the primates.
However, if you are lucky enough to pay a visit to Monkey Jungle in Banana Bay, you could be in for a treat, as the monkey mechanics there have gone one step further by offering their customers a range of custom built baboon saloon cars. Each car off the production line will be unique in every way, depending upon the vehicle the parts were originally swiped from.
If a custom built baboon saloon is not for you, the apes are offering another alternative. They will (using their monkey mates’ monkey wrenches and monkey nuts) chimp your ride.
So, whether you fancy a brand new baboon saloon or you prefer to have the apes chimp your ride, having a monkey’ed up motor will make you king of the jungle.
After many years of drawing some of the best optical illusions seen by shoppers throughout Barnsley and similar naff sounding cities, Mr Bob Isithere confessed “No one gave me a penny for my work and I’d had enough. I thought sod em, and I began to form a plan.
“I snuck out in the middle of the night and instead of drawing a realistic looking hole, I dug a real hole. It took me a few hours and was really big. I was just admiring my work when some cocky kids came by. They had seen my pavement art before and they started to take the piss. They were hassling me about how shit my drawing was, saying how unrealistic it was…and then they just disappeared over the edge,” mumbled the murderer.
For the death of those two innocent yobs, Mr Isithere was sentenced to three weeks hard prison. Since his sentencing Mr Isithere has tried unsuccessfully to draw an escape route.
yarpnews 