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Posts Tagged ‘patient’

Hospital blunder gives growth hormone to back pain sufferer

In Crazy YarpNews, Science/tech on May 27, 2014 at 4:20 pm

There’s something seriously wrong here!

Having spent six months in hospital after a serious back operation, Mr Ben Dover was looking forward to returning home to his family.

Unfortunately, instead of being administering a standard course of anti-inflammatory treatment, Mr Dover was given the wrong tablets, ones commonly used to help children with growth difficulties.

The hospital gaff was only noticed when Mr Dover could no longer fit into his hospital bed. It was then that hospital staff realised Mr Dover was at least two feet taller.

Mr Dover’s family are considering numerous ideas to help him with his unfortunate predicament. Ideas range from moving to Holland (where the average person’s height is well over six foot) to converting a church into a home so that Mr Dover can stand up at the ‘pointy’ end.

Mr Dover’s wife Eileen has hastily erected a large marquee in their back garden, so Mr Dover will at least have a roof over his head, even if it is a temporary one.

Mr Ben ‘lanky, streak of piss’ Dover has admitted that he quite likes his new found height and is currently awaiting trials for the N.B.A team the L.A Lakers. Proud wife, Mrs Eileen Dover said, “At least his height helps him with his favourite hobbies. He loves hand feeding giraffes, apple picking, collecting cats from high trees and looking into high windows late at night.”

Babies hospitalized for being drunk

In Crazy YarpNews on May 2, 2011 at 8:34 pm

Is this baby a boozer?

A small group of toddlers were recently hospitalized for being drunk. The tiny tearaways, a one-year-old and two two-year-olds were found to be ‘behaving in an intoxicated manner’ at their local nursery. Worried nursery staff whisked the threesome straight to hospital.

Upon arrival at Felsick Hospital in the UK, the three were assessed according to NHS guidelines “A quick guide to tell whether your patient is drunk”:

  1. Does the patient appear unsteady on their feet? Do they wobble of have difficulty standing up?
  2. Does the patient have a tendency to fall over when standing unaided?
  3. Is the patient able to carry out a proper conversation or do they slur and have difficulty pronouncing their words?
  4. Is the patient able to control his or her own bowel movements?
  5. Does the patient keep asking for a bottle?
  6. Does the patient appear over emotional, laughing or crying at inappropriate moments?
  7. Does the patient like to take their clothes off?
  8. Does the patient object when you try and put them to bed?
  9. Is the patient able to operate a motor vehicle?
  10. Can the patient touch the end of their nose?

A spokesperson for Felsick Hospital said: “Regrettably the three young children were found to satisfy all ten of our ten point criteria and so we can confirm that they are most definitely drunk.”

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