Posts Tagged ‘penis’

Kim and penis-pillow shocker

In Crazy YarpNews, Naughty Yarpnews on June 2, 2014 at 12:13 pm
Kim Pillow

Kim Pillow

Shocking news just in: Everyone’s favourite curvy girl, Mrs Kim Kardashian-West has not launched a new range of home furnishings based on her striking silhouette.

There was no launch party at LA’s famous Opera nightclub and among those who did not attend were illustrious A-listers such as Cameron Diaz, Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert Downey Jr.  Paris Hilton was also not invited.

A spokesperson for the ‘Kim-me Hug-me’ pillow was not available for comment, but a non-spokesperson did admit that the similarity between the two was ‘terrifying’. While another said “I want to burn my eyes out.”

Controversy is rife with many people turning to social media to say, ‘WTF! I am so confused!’  What is clear is that whether the famous for being famous, Kardashian clan have cashed in on the unbelievable figure of their most well-known off-spring, or not, Kim does look like a penis-shaped pillow.

One observer said “It’s undeniable that Kim looks like a penis-shaped pillow. But I ask you which came first, Kim or the penis thing? It has to be coincidental, that or someone’s guilty of over stuffing.”

Another cock and ball story brought to you by Yarpnews.


Urologist gets a stiff sentence

In Crazy YarpNews on May 4, 2011 at 9:12 pm

A newly qualified Urologist caused a stir this week when he took his new advertising campaign out on the streets of London.

Shocked shoppers were approached by Doctor Willie Shaft whilst he was wearing a sandwich board carrying what he thought was a snazzy slogan. Unfortunately the general public was not interested in talking to the good doctor.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with people,” exclaimed Dr Shaft during his arrest. “I don’t understand why, but everyone seemed scared of me. You would think that people with erectile dysfunction would be keen to talk.”

The unlucky Doctor has since been given a stiff sentence. Maybe he will find more people willing to talk during his time inside.

Woman trashes husband’s dick

In Crazy YarpNews on December 26, 2010 at 2:03 pm

A woman in Phetchaboon, a northern province of Thailand, was arrested this week for cutting off her husband’s penis and throwing it into a trash can at the local bus station.

Mrs Sawang, 54, was caught at a police checkpoint while on a bus to Bangkok. Police escorted her back to Phetchaboon Town so that she could identify which trash can she had used to dump the dick.

Meanwhile, her 40-year-old husband was taken to Lom Sak Hospital, where he was last reported as being in a stable condition.

Mrs Sawang told police that she had been married for 21 years: when she was 33 and Mr Sawang was a sprightly 19. Recently, however, Mr Sawang started to treat her very badly, drinking heavily and shouting at her in public, she said. There was also gossip going around town that he was seeing other women.

Last month, Mrs Sawang was reportedly drinking beer with friends near her house when Mr Sawang walked up and began shouting at her that she was cheating on him. He embarrassed her in front of her friends and said he was going to leave her.

Around 10am the next day, Mrs Sawang was still angry about the way her husband had treated her and so while out buying her husband’s breakfast, she stopped off at the pharmacy to get some sleeping pills. She mixed some of the pills into Mr Sawang’s morning drink, gave it to him and waited for them to take effect.

While Mr Sawang was sound asleep, Mrs Sawang sliced off his penis and put it in a plastic bag. She then took a bus from their house in Lom Sak to Phetchaboon Town Bus Station, where she threw it in a trash can before boarding a bus to Bangkok. She was stopped by police in Nong Phai District.

After making Mrs Sawang tell them where she threw the penis, police sent the organ to Lom Sak Hospital so doctors could try and reattach it. At the time of writing it was still unclear whether Mr Sawang would regain any use of his severed manhood.

Thai doctors are world-renowned for their expertise in reattaching severed penises. Knowing this, some of those responsible have taken extra precautions to make sure surgery is impossible. In the past, severed members have been boiled, fed to ducks or even attached to hot air balloons.

Wax wiener is a flop

In Crazy YarpNews on December 11, 2010 at 8:03 pm

LAMPANG in Thailand: Youths in the North have found a dangerous new way to impress the ladies: a home-made penis enlargement therapy using beeswax.

The new trend came to light when a 21-year-old unnamed man checked into hospital at the end of October with a badly infected wang.

The man sheepishly told doctors that he had injected his penis with warm beeswax to pump it up to a more impressive size.

The trick worked perfectly at first, but after a few days his dick started to hurt. A nasty wound appeared where he injected the wax and continued to spread.

The young man told doctors that he bought a tube of beeswax ointment used to treat cuts.

He put it in hot water until it was soft enough, then injected it straight into his todger.

This was a very popular trick among Lampang’s young men, allowing them to gain an extra inch or so, he said.

Doctors operated on the young man. While they managed to save most of the infected johnson, they had to remove some tissue.

When they are sure the infection is healed, they will transplant skin from another part of the youth’s body to try and restore his organ to its original appearance, doctors said.

As for whether the man’s penis would still be able to work as well as before the impromptu enlargement, doctors said it was too early to know.

Dr Sirichai Phataranuthaphon from Lampang Provincial Public Health Office implored youths in the province not to follow in the unfortunate patient’s footsteps.

Provincial authorities cannot legally prevent youths from trying to enlarge their genitals because it is their personal right, but they should be aware of risks that include infection and potentially fatal septic shock, he said.

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