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Posts Tagged ‘plastic’

Play Sporthocker and look as cool as a German teenager

In Crazy YarpNews, World on March 17, 2014 at 11:29 am

Following the success of ‘throwing a stick’, the crazy Germans have come up with a new sport that they are imaginatively calling ‘Sporthocker’. For the uninitiated Sporthocker can only be described as extreme sitting with a few fancy flips thrown in for good measure.

Sporthocker newbies will find that the rules are quite simple. Players, arm themselves with a hock –something that looks like a giant cotton reel crossed with a dodgy cheap plastic stool. And the idea is to play with your cheap plastic stool… er… hock in a bad-ass and rad way (pretending it is a skateboard is just one example of the many ways you could play) and once your flashy manouver is complete, you must sit on your stool. Easy!

The sport is proving very popular amongst German teens, who think they look ‘street’ juggling with plastic furniture. And the inventors are sure that Sporthocker will soon take off all over the world.

Take up Sporthocker and you are guaranteed to draw a crowd of curious onlookers.  Who wouldn’t be blown away by the sight of someone completing a 360 degree ass-plant?

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When twerking stops working

In Crazy YarpNews, Entertainment, Naughty Yarpnews on January 13, 2014 at 3:40 am
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Deflated, Smiley’s career went pop.

In a career filled with ups and downs it has recently been announced that American pop singer and one time cartoon kid, Smiley Flatass has run out of talent. Once noted for her ability to walk and talk at the same time, living doll, Smiley has left her fans feeling more than a little flat.

It seems that no one was impressed by her skill for warbling a tune; so poor old Ms Flatass turned to wobbling the cheeks of her backside to get attention.

“She used to be great, all perky, and you know bouncy,” commented one super fan. “But when she got older she stopped appealing to the kids. She couldn’t get gigs. She needed to make money so turned to twerking. To be honest, it wasn’t pretty.”

Unfortunately, as her name implies, Smiley Flatass, has a flat ass. So instead of shaking her booty bits she ended up thrusting her bony behind at any hapless passer-by. The twerking wasn’t working. Even offering a free foam finger with every twerk didn’t work. Not that it wasn’t getting her attention – just the wrong sort.

One fateful night things went from bad to worse.

“At first I thought she was showing me a place to park my bike,” said a man who wished to remain nameless but went under the pseudonym, ‘Thick Rob’. “I was like walking along, singing my wife’s favourite song, when Ms Flatass rubbed up against me. She was all open mouth and foam finger. It was a real let down, she was squeaky and flat and felt very plastic.”

After that Smiley’s career seemed to puncture, with critics asking ‘had she let herself down?’ What was clear was she couldn’t go any lower – or could she? Out of talent and out of gas, poor old Smiley Flatass deflated and wound up in the gutter.

Her management have since announced that they hope to re-inflate her career with the help of band aid.

Jersey Shore star gets six pack… on his face!

In Crazy YarpNews on July 17, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Hello girls! The Situation shows off his best asset

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino today wowed and amazed fans by revealing his new enhanced physique. The Jersey Shore reality TV star is renowned for showing off his six pack, pointing out his pecs and admiring his abs. He has even put his name to a range of fashionable see-through vests. But when your best asset is your belly, you want it in pride of place and so sometimes wearing a see-through vest is not enough. “The Situation”, intent on showing himself off to his best has turned to cosmetic surgery to help him ensure his tasty torso is in prime position – on his face.

“When you have worked really hard to get yourself a six pack, it’s only right that you would want to show it off,” said The Situation’s plastic surgeon Dr Leavu Lopsided.  “So, I developed a completely new cosmetic procedure … you’ve heard of boob jobs and the trout pout, well let me introduce you to the navel nose.

“Navel nose is a procedure that removes over two feet of excess skin from the top of your head, resulting in a total body and face lift. Recipients of the new navel nose ultimate lift have found that they feel taught and trim and totally without facial features. There is really only one drawback, you see all the removal of skin moves your mouth down to what effectively would be consider your, um … bottom. So effectively, all recipients of navel nose end up talking out of their backsides.”

Enough said!

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