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Posts Tagged ‘spoof’

Health Alert: Digestive biscuits cause indigestion on a Tuesday

In Crazy YarpNews on April 27, 2014 at 12:40 pm

 

Are digestives easy to digest?

Are digestives easy to digest?

The news may be a little difficult to digest,  but a new government report has highlighted a very real danger of indigestion when eating digestive biscuits on a Tuesday. Research has apparently proven that you have an 85% chance of getting indigestion after eating digestive biscuits on a Tuesday, with only a 50% chance of you getting indigestion after eating digestive biscuits on any other day of the week.

Tuesdays are particularly rife with danger with one near fatal incident already recorded this year with two other incidents requiring a pat on the back.

The Watch Dog for Health and Safety “Do Not Do That” has expressed its concerns and recommends that all digestive biscuit packets carry public health warnings. “We think having the phrase ‘Danger of indigestion, limit ingestion particularly on a Tuesday as digestive biscuits may be hard to digest’ on every packet of digestive biscuits would save lives,” said spokeswoman Janice Runswivsissors.

“We need to alert the public to the dangers of digestive biscuit indigestion and prevent similar tragic events from ever happening on a Tuesday again.”

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Join the ‘Lick a Leper’ campaign

In Crazy YarpNews, Science/tech, World on February 11, 2014 at 1:49 pm

 

Join the Lick a Leper camapign

Join the Lick a Leper camapign

The charity organization Lephelp that provides support and funding to sufferers of leprosy and their families has today put out a call for more lepers.

“Lepers in western society are a dying breed,” claims leper lover Tom Flake who runs Lephelp. “It’s great that people are being cured of leprosy, but we are running out of people to support. If the number of people covered with pus filled sores dries up completely, so will our organization. That is why we have launched the ‘Lick a Leper’ campaign.”

Lephelp are calling for volunteers to ‘Lick a Leper’.

“It’s easy, just grab your nearest leper and lick him,” smiled Mr Flake. And if you don’t have a leper handy, Lephelp have provided the easy and convenient mail scheme, ‘Lick a Leper by Post,’ where for as little as $2 per month you will receive your very own infected body part.  All you have to do is wait for your very own bit of leper to be dropped off at your home or office and once received, you need to locate a good juicy lesion and simply lick it.

If you have a conscience, don’t turn your back on this charity. Join the ‘Lick a Leper’ campaign today and help Lephelp to continue to help lepers like you.

New rising trend of country swapping

In Crazy YarpNews, World on January 17, 2014 at 12:08 pm

Map indicating likely future swaps

The growing dissatisfaction about ‘where we live’ has seen the dramatic rise of a new country swapping scheme in which whole countries swap with another, similar sized country.

Nations such as Belgium and Luxembourg are the latest to join the ever growing list wanting to swap with other like minded countries who share their unhappiness and passion for change.

“Even if it’s for six months, just to spice things up a bit,” said Igor Thataway from Belgium. “I’ve always fancied Ireland as I like Guiness!” Igor waffled on. “I’ve heard the Irish love chocolate and lace, so we have a lot in common.”

Portugal and Greenland have apparently already been involved in talks and are considering a possible 18 month trial period. A bloke in a pub overheard Portugal saying they were very interested in whale spotting, so it would appear that talks with Greenland will end favourably.

The President of Greenland commented on the logistical nightmare of moving a whole nation, especially during the cross-over period where there is a strong likelihood that people will bump into each other.

However, previous swaps have worked somewhat successfully. In 2007 Britain and Albania’s swap worked excellently with the whole of Albania making it successfully to Britain. Admittedly, most of the British chose to remain at home or buggered off to Spain, but it is expected these sort of teething problems will be ironed out during future swaps. 

Will.I.am says NO to green eggs and ham

In Crazy YarpNews, Entertainment, World on March 21, 2011 at 11:37 am

Will.I.am thinks there is something dodgy about green eggs and ham

Hip hop artist and Black Eyed Peas front man, Will.I.am (36) has today launched a campaign to ban green eggs and ham.

Fearing that green eggs and ham are seriously detrimental to your health, the pop star has joined forces with the anti green eggs and ham league.

“Green eggs are just plain wrong man,” said Mr I.am. “And ham is full of salt and fatty acids that are very bad for you. If your eggs have turned green, don’t feed them to your kids. To force green eggs and ham on a child by making up cute rhymes about them is a form of child exploitation and must be stopped. Will.I.am says no to green eggs and ham.”

And to prove it, the talented star has made up some of his own cute rhymes about the subject – who knows this could be the making of a new song:

I.am.Will

Will.I.am

I do not like green eggs and ham

I will not eat them if I’m forced

I will not eat them married or divorced

I will not eat them for MTV

I will not eat them for a Peabody

I will not eat them for American Idol

Not even if I were suicidal

I will not eat them for a million bucks

I will not eat them for a trillion f***s

I will not eat them for my Mama

I won’t even eat them for Barack Obama

I.am.Will

Will.I.am

I do not like green eggs and ham

Will.I.am is no fan of green eggs and ham

Dr Seuss, the inventor of green eggs and ham tried to defend his invention.

“Green eggs and ham are an American tradition and a delicacy, in the same way that caviar is a tradition and a delicacy in Russia.

“Green eggs and ham are delicious, but if you don’t like them that is your personal choice. Going on about it just demonstrates your lack of refinement.

“To campaign against green eggs and ham is like campaigning against champagne, truffles or parmesan cheese, it is unthinkable.

“Personally, I don’t like black eyed peas, but you don’t hear me making a song and dance about it.”

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