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Is there something dodgy about a moustache?

In Crazy YarpNews, Science/tech on May 18, 2014 at 1:01 pm

Moustaches – good, bad or ugly?

As everyone knows a moustache or mustache is a bit of hair that is usually found perched on the wearer’s top lip, growing just below their nose. Some people hate the scrubby piece of facial fuzz, claiming it is unhygienic and that the wearer must have something to hide. Other’s love their mouth brow so much that they enter competitions to see if they can win the ‘loveliest lip rug’ award. Whether you love them or hate them, have you ever wondered what a moustache says about its wearer?

Well the students at Tash City University in Hairy Lip, Virginia, were very interested in discovering who the snot mop supporters were and after ten years of research, they can finally publicise their findings… which are very interesting indeed.

It turns out that moustache wearers tend to come in two distinct categories: either you are a dodgy tash wearing criminal or a proud member of law enforcement with facial fuzz. The study found that the other few percent of moustache wearers were either gay men or little old ladies.

“It’s really odd,” admitted Professor Les Shavin, “in the majority of cases, a man who wears a moustache is either serving the law or is about to break it. It does make you wonder about the idea that a moustache acts as some kind of disguise, as it would work in both cases. I mean, either you are hiding from the law or you are hiding the fact that you are the law. It is a really fascinating way to look at whisker wearers.”

Online Graphing

GREEN = Criminals and ex-cons. RED = People involved in law enforcement. BLUE= Gay men. YELLOW = Little old ladies.

Now his study is complete, Professor Shavin is hoping to go on to study the correlation between hair on the top lip and that on the rest of the body.

“We are really looking forward to probing the depths to discover if men with mouth brows are generally hairier all over. You know, whether their tash is an indication that they also have hairy backs, noses, ears, bum cracks, that sort of thing. Our research will certainly be hair raising”

Student prank drives pensioner around the bend

In Crazy YarpNews on April 12, 2014 at 12:33 pm

 

Going the wrong way? Sssh! No one need every know!

Going the wrong way? Sssh! No one need ever know!

A cruel joke played by a bunch of student pranksters left a little old lady trapped on a roundabout for three whole days. Roundabouts or traffic circles are notoriously difficult to navigate at the best of times, but for one poor pensioner a trip to the library turned into a trip to hell. Unbeknownst to Miss Constance Spirals (82) the usual route she took once a week, on a Thursday, was the centre of a very well organized college prank. The group of freshmen from Privet University, Shrubland, Australia arranged to block every entrance and exit route on the roundabout with a set of large, portable bushes. The cunning kids waited until poor unfortunate Miss Spirals drove on to the circle and before she could exit they deployed their bushes, instantly trapping the simple spinster. With no means of escape the stupid old biddy kept going round and around, hoping the next turn would lead to a way out, but each turn just lead to another hedge. Three days later, friends and neighbours of Miss Spirals realized she was missing and raised the alarm. Police estimate that by the time they found the aged one she had completed over 3,000 circles. Miss Spirals is now back home and although she is still a little dizzy and confused, no one has really noticed. The Police are currently on the lookout for a bunch of leafy students who are disguised as bushes.

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