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Posts Tagged ‘wrinkles’

Snails – the best beauty budget buy

In Crazy YarpNews on August 13, 2011 at 9:35 pm

 

Revel in the slime

At last, an anti-aging solution that we can all afford! In the newest and perhaps strangest of all beauty fads people are using snails to banish wrinkles and give them tight, shiny skin.

Snail slime is sticky and gooey and it helps keep the bottom or ‘foot’ of the snail as smooth as silk.

“And that’s what makes it perfect for smearing all over your face,” says Beauty Consultant and snail fan Les Cargot. “This is no tall snail tale. Take a look at the bottom of any snail and I guarantee that you will not find a wrinkle. The snail naturally oozes its own lubricant that smoothes away creases and wrinkles. I’m recommending snail slime to all my clients. If it can work for a snail, imagine what it will do to your face.“

Daily Snail columnist Liz Moans told Yarpnews: “It takes the slime from approximately 20 snails to adequately cover your face. For perfect results the experts suggest that you keep them on for at least three hours.”

“If three hours seems too long to have a bunch of snails on your face, you can simply keep a couple tucked behind your ears instead. Keeping snails behind your ears means that they are free to roam all over your face, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. It’s a truly fantastic way to keep your face smooth and fresh looking. And once you have had you snails done, you can always release them back into the garden – or if you are feeling French you could enjoy a tasty treat. Just sauté the snails in butter and garlic and serve with French bread – delicious.”

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It’s official: laughing makes you sick

In Crazy YarpNews, Entertainment, Science/tech on July 13, 2011 at 10:10 am

Laughing can seriously damage your health

Have you got too many wrinkles? Is your belly flabby? Does your throat get sore? If the answer to all three is a resounding ‘yes’, then you could be suffering from too much happiness.

It’s a proven fact that over exertion of the laughing muscles creases the skin around your eyes, causes the belly to wobble and the constant stress of giggling can harm your throat. All of which is irreversible and seriously detrimental to your health.

Leading Scientist, Professor Peter Enis said “Although laughing makes you popular with your friends it can also make you look like a wrinkled old bullock with a voice like screeching Welsh songtress Bonnie Tyler’s.”

So think twice the next time you laugh because your friends may just be laughing at the sight and sound of your putrefied wheezing flesh, rather than your witty repartee.

The latest advice is to follow the example celebrity’s such as English footballer David Beckham’s  wife, Victoria ‘Posh’ Beckham and remain at all times as po-faced as possible.

So, the next time someone near you cracks a joke, punch them. And while you reside at Her Majesty’s pleasure, you can remain smug in the knowledge that your eyes are wrinkle free, stomach taut and your throat eased and rested.

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