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Posts Tagged ‘bum’

Builder sacked for not showing his arse crack

In Crazy YarpNews, Naughty Yarpnews on February 26, 2014 at 1:44 pm

Builder’s bum – a reputable building firm cannot exist without one

Well known building firm, Gerry Builders, is in hot water this week after sacking an employee because he bought a belt.

Ex-builder Sandy Plank (24) is claiming unfair dismissal after Tom Gerry, owner of Gerry Builders fired him because he was no longer fit for purpose and failed to live up to his job description.

“We have to have at least one employee with a builder’s bum in order to be seen as a credible building firm – to go without one goes against all the building codes and regulations. I explained this all to Sandy and asked him to take off his belt, but he wouldn’t. I offered him the position as the cowboy builder, but he said he didn’t like the hat.  He wouldn’t wear the hat and he wouldn’t let his behind hang out, so I had to let him go. I have the company’s reputation to think of.”

“We had to fire him,” Tom Gerry told the Industrial Tribunal. “As a reputable building firm we employ a team of tradesmen including a plumber, builder, carpenter, electrician and a fat, tea swilling, chip butty eating bloke whose arse hangs out of his trousers. Our plumber plumbs, our builder builds and it was Sandy’s job to show his crack.

America isn’t as poor as everybody thinks

In Crazy YarpNews on March 9, 2011 at 2:13 pm

A poor Hobo struggling with Windows Vista

Despite claiming that the country cannot even afford a trip to the dollar store, our undercover investigative reporter Vikki Leeks has found evidence that America is not as broke as it likes to make out.

After months of sleeping rough, hanging out under bridges and acting like a down and out in Beverly Hills, Vicky Leeks is now able to bring you the truth… even the poorest residents of the richest country in the world have laptops.

Not only do America’s hobos and vagrants have laptops, but they are also all hooked up to the hospitality exchange network: Benchsurfing.com

Benchsurfing is a website that puts bums in touch with bums. Among other things, the site gives its members a lot of useful information like details of the best dumpsters to dive, where you can swap your shopping cart and the top ten places to find string.

“Being a hobo in the richest country in the world is not easy,” said dirty homeless bum, Noah Bode (29). “We really do have to put up with a lot of crap… I mean we still have to use Windows Vista.”

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